Finding Inner Happiness

“It took me a lot of time to realise finding what inner happiness is.  Now that I have found it, I am writing this to share to all who think they are alone, lost, unhappy, broken, and empty.” -aprillugod

Happiness.  I searched for its meaning online and found an official definition from Wikipedia, “Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.”  When I looked at Oxford English Dictionary I found more than two definitions but I’m quoting the first two:  First, “Happiness is an instance or cause of good fortune.”, and Second, “Happiness is the state of pleasurable contentment of mind; deep pleasure in or contentment with one’s circumstances.”.

These are all based on psychological facts.  But in layman’s term, how do we define the inner happiness?  As a single mother, or a single woman, how can you reach that certain point in your life that all the pain and bitterness you had experienced turned blessings in disguise… that made you say you are truly happy… without hypocrisy… without feeling empty, or without feeling alone afterwards, or right after you respond to this question you say, “Am I truly happy?”.

Let’s try to find what inner happiness is by defining it based from our true stories.   Let me ask you:  What is Happiness?  What makes you happy?  Where can you find it?  And if found, how would you know you have found it?  Guide questions we’ve got to answer to define inner happiness.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is a feeling.  It is a wonderful feeling.  I know, we all have different answers to this.  For me happiness is simple yet, it gets less simple to have as you grow… or grow older.  Do you remember when you were a child?  When you get enough candy wrappers, or just enough thickness of rubber bands around your wrist, or just when you cut out enough dress for your Barbie dolls (or paper dolls in my case), or when you had collected a bunch of NBA Cards to play with, it makes you the happiest kid in the world?  And this, you won’t even remember the experience, but now that you’re a parent to a baby, you put his Baby Einstein or his Sesame Street, or his favorite Disney character playing on YouTube, or as simple as how you play Peek-A-Boo with him makes him the happiest Larry?   That’s incredible happiness.  Even the richest guy on the planet can not buy that happiness.

There are a lot of books that people spend for, thousands of money just to get know what happiness is again.  I also know a lot of people who sought the help of a psychiatrist, paid a lot of money with pills and treatment and sessions, just again, to know what happiness is and just to feel that happiness once more. Doctors got paid, authors sold a lot of books, and yet what about happiness?  Did they get it?  Maybe.  Most likely not because happiness can only be found within you.  How?  I’ll tell you.

What Makes You Happy?

So again, what makes you happy?  I asked a few single mothers what makes them happy and here are few answers I got:

“I wish I hadn’t been a single mother.”  What?!  You cannot change it anymore so live with it.

“I’d like my children growing having a complete family.”  This means, it will make her happy to see her children with a dad.  Who doesn’t want that?  We all want that.  So next thing from a single mom’s list is, “I’m dreaming of a happy ending.  A man.  A better-half.“, “Somebody that will love me and take care of me.”  Yes, one day.  But, what if there is nobody yet?

While from a broken heart’s perspective, it’s either they don’t know what will make them happy, or just get the failed relationship working out again.  That’s just desperate I know, and I felt that way before.

Some say, “I’m happy just to know my family is beside me…”, or, “I will be really happy if he stops cheating and never leaves me…”.  or that, “I’m happy enough that my kids are with me…“; or that “I have enough friends around me…”  And again, what if there is nobody yet?

Simple question, but it seemed so difficult and complicated for people to answer.  Strong emotions arise, hence it all boils down to having someone who gets involved in your life.

I must say we all need somebody.  It definitely feels good having a good man around and being loved, receiving flowers and having fancy dinners.  It feels wonderful to have a family who are always there to back you up and make you feel loved every time you’re feeling low, and friends who make you feel cool having them with you for lunch or for night out.  But then again, you can’t rely your happiness to anybody.

I believe that the right time to have someone in your life is when you are able to feel that happiness even without anyone.  Have you ever tried having without any special person in your life but yourself?  Did you give your self time of your own?  What if you’re the only person left in the world, would you die?

Of course not!  You won’t.  When just by being with yourself makes you a happy person, then you will be able to share that spirit to the people around you.  Somehow, you’re passing that aura of happiness even without you knowing it.  Isn’t even more meaningful when what makes you happy is to see people become happy because they see you happy and they feel happy around you?

Where to find Happiness?

I don’t want to say that you are a terrible person now, but I was also once a terrible person.  I laugh about myself looking back in those days though.  It took me a lot of time to realise what happiness truly is.  Now that I have found it, I am writing this to share to all who think they are alone, lost, unhappy, broken, and empty.  I didn’t know what happiness really is until I just woke up one day, realizing that depending your happiness to other people will make your life a total mess.  Miserable.  Dark as hell.  And whatever you do trying to make things work out with the people you depend your happiness on, you won’t become completely happy because there will always be a missing part.  That is yourself.

In order to find happiness, you have to let go.  Let go of looking at other people and focus on yourself.  You have to look at yourself more and you have to get to know yourself more.  Take all that is bothering you away and let the Universe take its course in helping you to get everything resolved.  Stay patient.  Wait and again, let things go.  Be free and do whatever it is that makes you happy.  Explore the world around you and meet people.  This will help you discover what hurts you, what makes you fall in love, what makes you stronger, and what makes you even happier.  Detach yourself from anything that is temporary.  We all have our own individuality.  Happiness is inside of you.  You can only share it, and you cannot experience it from people who does not have it.  When you learn to love yourself, and when you learn to totally embrace who you are, and when you finally have accepted every experience as a part of the person that you have become, there you will find happiness.

How do you know you have found Happiness?

Finding happiness is a journey, and once you have found it, you will never want to let go of it.  You suddenly start to enjoy just being all by yourself.  Of course you’ve got children and you talk to them as much as you can everyday because you don’t want to miss them!  You have set of friends that you go out with regularly, you’ve got work to do, you’re a single and you’ve got nice men that ask you out for a date, you can get pretty busy with a lot of people.

However, there are times that you are vacant and just by your self but that doesn’t make you feel lonely and alone anymore.  You start dating with yourself, having coffee with yourself, watching movie with yourself and you start loving it!  You wash your car alone, change its tires, or take it to auto-mechanic; and you start enjoying it!  You carry your groceries in and out of your car alone; you fix your light’s switch and replace your bulb on the ceiling, you fix your shower’s faucet; you paint your interior walls and your garage’s; men’s work eventually become an easy Do-It-Yourself for you and you start to enjoy doing it all for yourself!  At times, people think you’re the craziest in the world because you get to laugh about yourself… you start feeling awesome everyday, and you smile for no reason!  It is wonderful!

Above all, when you have found that happiness, you learn that being a single mother is not a disgrace anymore and something to regret of.  You start to find that the purpose of having found this happiness is not only to have a Million in your bank account and to find a man to have with you for the rest of your life.  You start to value your time alone.  Living your life becomes simpler again just like when you were seven.  You eat when you get hungry.. you laugh when you’re having fun… you play to kill your time… you scream when you’re mad… you cry when you’re upset… you sleep to rest and you wake up smiling again.  And the problems?  You let them go because you know, you’ve passed all of it in the past and there is none other than surpassing new ones again.

Lastly, people start to wonder something about you.  They see you even more beautiful than ever!  People look at you with admiration.   Not for anything else, but because you were able to find that joy in your heart despite the many struggles and bad experiences you had once upon a time in your life.  Let me just leave you this message, once you have found your inner happiness, stay happy and be generous to spread it.  Thanks for reading!